Come Alive

While there is truth to the argument that only people with a resource cushion can forgo a paycheck to live out their wildest professional dreams, I would venture to say that living a life a purpose is about much more than how you pay the bills. In our consumption of the success narratives of the select few billionaires and geniuses who made their ways by doing what they love, we can get stuck on the idea that purpose equals a crystal clear, marketable, and unchanging set of activities that we offer to others. We forget that purpose is an interior unfolding of life that is present within each and every one of us.

“Living a life of purpose is about understanding and aligning to that inner experience of why you are here in this life, on this earth. ”
Living a life of purpose is about understanding and aligning to that inner experience of why you are here in this life, on this earth. There are many people all around us that show us the way to live with purpose regardless of their job title (or lack there-of). The most essential quality that these people possess is: They know and share their loves. It costs no money to develop this self-knowledge and expression. Reflection is free.

Are you able to respond to questions like, “What do you love?” or “What makes you come alive?” with glowing detail and sheer joy? I hope you can, but if not, I hope you want to tap into your loves. As Dr. Howard Thurman is often quoted saying, “what the world needs is people who have come alive.” When people come alive from within, they organically create the meaning in their work, relationships, and the hours of their days, whether they are in a job of their own creation or just getting by.

Here are some reflection questions to help you strengthen or discover your loves in a way that just might help you come alive:

1. WHAT WERE YOUR CHILDHOOD JOYS?

Reflect back on what made you giddy as a child or teen. Consider what you spent your free hours doing or what projects, hobbies, or activities made you feel most proud and accomplished. What might this mean about what naturally springs up within you as a source of love?

If you’re like me, there is not an entirely clear answer. My childhood feels cluttered with expectations that I put on myself, or perhaps that were put on me. I remember the hard times of self-judgment and failure more than the times of pure unbounded joy and love.

That said, the pain that I felt in not being a “good enough” artist in comparison to friends was countered by the joy that I experienced in being creative, often with stories and words. There’s the strangely joy-filled memory from the second grade of writing and illustrating a little book, Noisy in the Subway, about a mouse living in Boston’s MBTA tunnels. There is the recollection of the drive I experienced in my high school English and history classes to write essays that captured some unique perspective from my inner thoughts. There is the romanticized reflection of what developing film and printing photos in the darkroom meant to me—a series of portraits that gave some voice to the complexity of my inner life.

So, ask yourself, “What were my childhood joys?” Even if you can only remember one or two, there is insight there about what you love.

2. WHAT RELATIONSHIPS HAVE INSPIRED YOU?

Maybe it was a teacher or a family member or a friend. Maybe it was someone you hardly even knew or perhaps a public figure. Consider the people from whom you have learned the most and your relationship with them. What insight can you glean from these connections about your loves?

Unlike considering my childhood joys, which is a task that to me feels like looking for a needle in a haystack, considering the relationships that have most inspired me is easy. I can think of countless numbers of people who have taught me more about who I am than I ever thought possible. I have always learned best through relationship and connection with people.

As I recall the relationships that have mattered most to me, a few themes stand out:

I am inspired by people who speak their truth with whatever means or in whatever circumstance they find themselves.
I am moved by people who take the time to see me in all of my complexity.
I am convinced by people who live out their values on a person-to-person, moment-to-moment basis.
So, ask yourself, “What relationships have inspired me?” Track the themes that emerge across those people and relationships. See what comes up.

3. WHAT STRETCHES YOU?

When have you felt afraid about opening up or sharing something meaningful about yourself? When have you felt butterflies in your stomach? When have you wondered about failing or being judged for an idea? When have you felt the need for someone to say, “That was courageous. Well done.”

None of us (I hope) want people walking around tortured by excruciating vulnerability. But with practice, I believe that we can all discover that we grow more fully alive as we expand our comfort zone by cultivating mindful self-awareness and by vulnerably stretching ourselves into living in more full alignment to our sense of purpose, values, and wholeness.

Dr. Brene Brown, a leading researcher and voice on the topic of vulnerability, writes in her book, Daring Greatly, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

Think of the artist that chooses to paint and then reveals her work for the first time. Consider the father who loves his child unconditionally and asks for an additional day of vacation time to spend extra time with his son. Reflect upon the community member who speaks up for the first time at a neighborhood meeting. These are moments in which some deep inner knowing and experience is made manifest or externalized for the world to see. What is within you that you want to share with others?

I feel stretched (and therefore vulnerable) when I put my writing or poetry out for others to read, when I ask for what I need from my loved ones, as I navigate my instincts, gifts, and mistakes as a mother, and when I try to promote myself professionally. Grappling gently with the experience of these (and other) inner challenges has been and continues to be core to living more fully into my sense of purpose.

So, ask yourself, “What stretches you?” As you respond, treat yourself as kindly and gently as you would any other person you love. Be patient as meaning emerges and consider what it would mean to live in a way that allows you to lean into the emerging parts of yourself.

WHAT TO DO WITH THE REFLECTIONS AND INSIGHTS?
As you reflect upon these questions, don’t expect that magical bursts of lightning insight will propel you into a life of purpose. There is a slow process of noticing and unfolding that will gradually lead you to greater alignment with that which you love. As I have contemplated these questions over time, my love for all people and things that relate to storytelling, truth-speaking, deep connection, presence, and voice has emerged.

I see the power of knowing these loves of mine play out in the relationships I choose to nurture, in the work that I seek out, in the way that I parent, in how I spend my free time, in how I choose to respond to others, and in my vision for the future. I bear inner witness to the ways that knowing my loves helps shape my path. I know in my heart that these are the loves that propel me forward into areas of personal and professional discovery that I could have never imagined for myself.

Today, I have the privilege of spending my days serving the world in ways that relate to these loves, but the loves themselves do not pay my bills. Knowing my loves has helped me align with people and places that resonate deeply with who I am, and, in doing so, I have had unexpected opportunities to come alive as I put my purpose to work throughout the activities of my days.

What were your childhood joys? What relationships have inspired you? What stretches you?

We are all artists

“I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How you’re writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art.”

Tell them you love them

If you love someone tell them. 

Seriously please tell them. 

I have gone all my life being afraid of love. 

My biggest fear is being hurt. 
Afraid of my heart being broken. 
I put up these walls to protect myself. 
But in relatity they are shutting off everyone. 

I'm learning that you can not truly love unless you are vunerable. 
You have to be willing to loss it all to really feel deep, real love. 

You have to be willing to look like a fool, lose your ego, and let go to love. 

I let go of my fear of being hurt and am open to give and receive deep love. 

SEAT OF THE SOUL

The choice that frees or imprisons us is the choice of love or fear. Love liberates. Fear imprisons.” Gary Zukav

“When the personality comes to fully serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic empowerment.” Gary Zukav

“Your personality, your body, your intuitional structure. These are all tools: energy tools of the soul. Your soul existed before your personality came into being, it will exist after your personality came into being.” Gary Zukav

“Don’t squander your time on the what-ifs of life. They are unlimited and endless.” Gary Zukav

“Lack of self-worth is the fundamental source of all emotional pain. A feeling of insecurity, unworthiness, and lack of value is the core experience of powerlessness.” Gary Zukav

“The essence of a person is not the clothing she wears or the things he does. People who love them do not stop loving them when they change clothing or do other things. Your essence is not even your history, culture, race, or what you think and do. It is your soul.” 

“Your life is yours to live, no matter how you choose to live it. When you do not think about how you intend to live it, it lives you. When you occupy it, step into it consciously, you live it.” 

“Within each experience of pain or negativity is the opportunity to challenge the perception that lies behind it, the fear that lies behind it, and choose to learn with wisdom. The fear will not vanish immediately but it will disintegrate as you work with courage.” 

“When fear ceases to scare you, it cannot stay. When you choose to learn through wisdom, to evolve consciously, your fears surface one at a time in order for you to exorcise them with inner faith. This is how it happens. You exorcise your own demons.” 

“When you have an emotional reaction to what you see, you are judging. That is your signal that you have an issue inside of yourself – with yourself. – not with the other person.” 

“To experience relationships of substance and depth requires approaching and entering into relationships with consciousness and concern for the other.”

“We are becoming able to see the pursuit of external power for what it is and the futility of trying to escape the pain of powerlessness by changing the world. When we look inward, not outward, we can dismantle the parts of our personalities that have controlled us for so long – such as anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, superiority, and inferiority.” 

“Authentic power is the energy that is formed by the intentions of the soul. It is the light shaped by the intentions of love and compassion guided by wisdom.” 

“You cannot find your soul with your mind, you must use your heart.” 

“The loving parts of your personality have no trouble loving. That is all they do. You experience the loving parts of as gratitude, appreciation, caring, patience, contentment and awe of life.” 

“By choosing your thoughts, and by selecting which emotional currents you will release and which you will reinforce, you determine the quality of your light. You determine the effects that you will have upon others and the nature of the experiences of your life.” 

 “All souls have the capacity to be great souls.” 

“Humbleness, forgiveness, clarity, and love are the dynamics of freedom. They are the foundations of authentic power.”

“For every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. You receive from the world what you give to the world.” 

“The one characteristic of authentic power that most people overlook is humbleness. It is important for many reasons. A humble person walks in a friendly world. He or she sees friends everywhere he or she looks, wherever he or she goes, whomever he or she meets. His or her perception goes beyond the shell of appearance and into essence.” 

“Only choices made in love are compassionate. There are no exceptions. Do you have the courage to act with an empowered heart without attachment to the outcome?” 

The journey to wholeness requires that you look honestly, openly, and with courage into yourself, into the dynamics that lie behind what you feel, what you perceive, what you value, and how you act.” 

Authentic Soul

You are not you thoughts
You are not you personality
You are not your human body

You are the stillness beneath the thoughts
You are the Divine power buried underneath your personality
You are the soul which  lives in human form

You are the light,
A magentic frequency
You are higher vibrations

You are the entire universe
You are the Divine
You are connect to everyone and everything. 
You are light.

When you realize this. All life becomes beautiful.

Fear, pain, hate, judgment all fall away 

You are just left with love and acceptance. 

You become lighter, and life is full of abundance. 

Embrace you inner light. 

Shine you light. 

Raise your vibrations, 

Embrace you authentic self. 

Be the light for others. 

Sing

Sometimes it is easy to feel that you are insignificant. 

It's easy to think that in the big picture, you don't matter. 

But you are wrong my friend. You do matter. 

You have gifts and a voice that no one else has, or will ever have. 

You have ideas and thoughts unique to you. 

You are special and we need you. We need your voice your song in our world. 

We support you and appreciate you. Don't be afraid of your voice. The woods would be a very quiet place if only the loudest birds sang. 

Aspire

 I love quotes. I love reading and poetry.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about the quote be the type of person you want to meet. 

Although this is a very short and simple quote it is also very deep and it makes me reflect on who I am and who I'm striving to be. It makes me think about how others perceive me and how I perceived.

 “Be the type of person you want to meet.”

Yes you can take this quote as simple things like smiling at strangers and committing random acts of kindness.You could take it as, be nice to others. But to me, it hits a little deeper.

When I read it the first time, I thought to myself, “Okay, Kass, who do you want to meet?” And more importantly, what does that say about you? I think, depending on your answer, it says a lot about who you are trying to become. As you can probably assume, this query formed a bit of a mental dilemma in my head.

You see, I’m not 100% sure who or what I am trying to become. Which I think is a good thing because life is about evolving and transforming. But it does make me look at the type of person I want to be and two I want to become.

So, I decided to make a list (and all my OCD friends said Amen!) of all the things I want to become in the rest of the years I have…

I desire to become a person others look up too. A person who is an example of integrity honesty and loyalty.   A Iperson aspirepeople can go to with any issue and know that I will not judge them. I will be the listener and the rock for them.

I aspire to be a giver of positive vibes. A person who lives in shades of yellow.  A person that walks into the room and automatically lights it up.

I aspire to be a person who lives fully in the present and focuses on the positives of life. a person who embraces the simple pleasures and each moment and each day. A person who dismisses meaningless drama.

I aspire to be a person who is impeccable with their word. A person who only speaks words that are helpful encouraging necessary and kind.

I aspire to be a person that stands up for what is morally right. A person that does not give into peer pressure's or any other cultural pressure that goes against what they know is right

I aspired to be a role model for the younger generation. A role model of a strong independent person that doesn't conform to society unhealthy standards.

I aspired to be the person that I needed when I was younger. A strong independent woman who supports other woman. I aspire to be a woman that other women want to be friends with and men respect.

I aspire to find a life partner and have a honest, loyal, fun, loving relationship. A relationship where we both bring out the best in each other while still being the individuals that we are. A relationship where we can be who we are but support and encourage each other to grow and evolve as a couple. relationship where we bring out the best in each other. A relationship full of love laughter growth adventure and happiness.

I desire to live a life full of love laughter and growth. I aspire to live life not just go through the motions. I aspired to be a person that live life the way I want to live it.

I aspired to be a person who embraces the simple things in life such as the crashing of the Waves the blooming of the wild flower, and the sunset.

 that is what my over analyzing mind took away from the quote, “Be the type of person you want to meet.”

I think it’s important that every once in a while in our lives we take a second to take stock of who we are and who we are becoming. Is it someone we are happy with? Are we heading in the right direction? If so, great!! If not, then it is never too late to start over and redefine who you are by thinking about ‘who you want to meet.’

Connect To each other

Do we really need each other? Why do we get along better with some more than others? And what makes the ultimate connection?

I was dumped by the first guy I loved.

Don’t depend on anyone, I told myself afterwards.

It’s easier that way. Less chance of getting hurt. I could shut out the hurt of the past and made sure it never happened again.

I didn’t need anyone else. I was happy in my own company.

I was untouchable. No one could let me down. How could they when I never expected anything of anyone?

I had superficial relationships. If I didn’t dig deep, no-one else could dig deep either.

This was my armour.To prevent getting hurt.To keep from shattering.
To never again feel like I didn’t matter.To avoid feeling like I wasn’t enough.

In his book, ‘Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect’, professor Matthew Lieberman explains why breaking up is so hard: The ‘social pain’ of a broken heart can feel as physically painful as the pain of a broken leg.

That’s not quite true: The pain from heartbreak is as physical as an amputated leg. Not a broken leg.

Do we really need other people?
After that break up, when I didn’t let anyone in for at least 7 years, I only formed superficial connections. Meaningless his, byes and meaningless chit chat about the weather.

All good stuff. But nothing real and raw. Nothing close to the heart.

No expectation. No obligation. No commitment. Fun.

I must have given off a vibe. You know when you can feel someone is closed off?

I didn’t let anyone in. Other people didn’t let me in either.

My version of freedom. Life in a bubble was sweet.

But I was missing something important: I had so much to do. I had so many people to spend time with. Yet I still felt alone.

Unsatisfied. Empty.

There must be more than working, studying, and catching up with friends for dinner and movies.

I thought traveling was the answer.

So I spent a 3 years overseas. It was awesome.

Then I got tired. Of living on absurd wages, working 3 or more jobs at once, away from family, having multiple casual flings, and exhausted from a sugar addiction.

I realized travel was no cure for the mind. I was lonely. I realised how much I valued and craved deeper, stronger connection.
I knew I was missing out.

Sociobiologist E. O. Wilson describes it well:

“To be kept in solitude is to be kept in pain…and put on the road to madness. A person’s membership in his group — his tribe — is a large part of his identity.”
I had to figure out what mattered
Spending time alone. Doing yoga. Going for walks. Sitting in silence. Sleeping early. Feeling like crap. Slowing down the busy-ness of life.

It forced me to work out what mattered to me. I didn’t have the energy — or will — to keep up with everyone, and so many activities, all the time.

Carefully choosing how you spend your time — and with who — helps you get clearer, very quickly about what’s really important in your life.

I realized I wasn’t weak and wouldn’t lose my independence if I let people in.

Whether we realize it or not, we all want to connect. To be understood. To feel less alone in this world.
The missing piece
When we connect with another, it’s like a puzzle that fits perfectly. Sometimes we don’t realize we were even looking for that piece.

But when it fits, it feels right. It feels easy. It feels good.

Professor Matthew Lieberman explains:

“Being socially connected is our brain’s lifelong passion…It’s been baked into our operating system for tens of millions of years.”
Lieberman cites more than 1,000 published and unpublished studies — he found our need for social connection is a survival instinct as important as food, water, and shelter. 

Why do we connect quickly to some people more than others?
Here’s what I put it down to.

There’s a vibe, an aura, surrounding each of us. It’s not physical. It’s on another level. It’s the essence of who we are. What we are. And the journeys that have brought us here.
And someone with the same aura instantly knows. It sounds a bit fluffy I realize. But you get it, don’t you?

There’s something so special meeting someone else on this same wavelength. Not many words need to be spoken. It’s felt. And when words are spoken, each word confirms the connection is real.

Sharing your soul is the ultimate connection
Namaste: The Spirit in me bows to the Spirit in you.
Now the most fulfiling part of my life is people. I live for Namaste moments, when my soul sees and connects with another soul.

Letting people in has given life a 3- dimensional perspective instead of a 1-dimensional one.
I am humbled when strangers share intimate stories they rarely share. Like the bus driver who drove me from LA to Vegas, who used to be a prison officer — but changed careers after he got held up at gun point in a juvenile detention centre.

Or the kind security guard at a pub in Montreal, who’s girlfriend is a redhead — everywhere! (too much detail mate!)

I am humbled to know my friend once spent 6 months in her room, just sleeping. Not eating. Only leaving her room to go to the bathroom.

She didn’t know a state other than sadness. She believed this way of living and feeling was normal — until she got diagnosed with depression. And realized her thoughts didn’t have to be her reality.

Another woman shared that she felt unwanted most of her life because her dad didn’t know if she was really his. Now she seeks constant validation by needing recognition. For everyone to think she’s good at everything.

I admire the courage, resilience, and strength of these people. Once strangers. Less so after we share.
To have people open up to me about their vulnerabilities. Their failures. Their journeys. Their fears. To share stories a writer could only dream of making up.

To have one person trust and feel comfortable enough to lay their heart and soul out to me. Unfiltered.
I feel honoured.

The realization that if other people can lay themselves out real and raw — and that I feel respect, empathy, and love for them… well that changed my life.
It’s heightened my awareness of other people. It’s boosted my intuition. My ability to listen without judging. It’s helped me bond quickly and strongly to certain people.
When someone has gone through the extreme lows and extreme highs of life, just as you have, you can just tell, can’t you? You feel it. And you connect instantly.

Psychiatrist Daniel Siegel explains that ‘our minds are partly defined by their intersections with other minds’: We’re wired to sync to others.
Slowly, I’m learning to share my soul through writing. Like right now, sharing this post with you. My writing tribe.

It’s damn scary. But unbelievably liberating. And so rewarding when I know it connects with just one person.

The power of human connection
Being deeply connected with others is one of the most beautiful parts of living. It’s also a survival instinct.

So talk less. And judge less.

Listen more. Understand more. And connect more.

Life is precious

Life is so precious
Life is so precious
Life goes by fast
Tell the ones you love you love them
Slow down. Cherish the small moments.
If you want somethng, go for it.
Life is so precious
Life is so precious

Did you Love?

How a near death experience transformed my life. 

I'm lucky to be alive. I tell myself that everyday. I should be dead. IF there is one thing i have learned from my experience it is that we need to express love and gratitude to those we love. 

The day after the experience, I couldn't stop thinking about my life and the people in it. The people who I would have regretted not telling them I loved them if I hadn't lived. 

We are all human, and by nature we put up walls to protect ourselves. We get busy, and it's not always easy to be vulnerable and just tell the ones you care about that you're sorry. 
Don't wait until you have a near-death experience to make that phone call, make that drive, send that letter—do what you need to do, today. It will set you free.

Other individuals who have nearly died have reported asking themselves one simple question in the moments leading up to the event:

 "Did I love?" This is something I, too, asked myself. The money and accolades you have collected don't matter in the end; what matters is how deeply you loved and how often you expressed it. 

Make a point to tell and show your loved ones how you feel every single day. 

After all, love is the powerful force on Earth.

Power of Setting Intentions

Set Intentions. Release Expectations.

Instead of having expectations on how your love life should be, set intentions. Intentions open up perspectives and possibilities that better support you on your journey to love. You’ll travel with more ease without the internal struggle and judgment of having to have things be a certain way. Intentions soothe your soul because you’re able to be with what is. Intentions are more flexible because you’re open to receiving what you’re supposed to have for where you are on your life’s path.

Set an intention by being clear on what you want and being detached from the outcome. Don’t be concerned with “how” things are going to happen. When you’re clear on what you want, then behave and take action in ways that support your heart’s desire, your results may be even better than you could have imagined. For instance, if you clearly want to be treated like a lady, leave your masculine energy at work and tap into your feminine traits in your love life. Do this consistently and great results will happen naturally.

Do You Have Expectations or Intentions?

Here are some ways to determine whether you have expectations or intentions.

You have expectations when you’re:

• Holding tightly to your point of view
• Unable or unwilling to see the other person’s perspectives
• Feelings are draining you (e.g. unhappy, disappointed, depressed, etc.)
• Closed off to someone for superficial reasons
• Wanting things to happen a certain way
• Trying to control your partner (or the outcome)
• Not able to lighten up about love
• Looking to someone else to fulfill your unmet needs

You have intentions when you:

• Would rather be loved than right
• Feel open and inspired
• Have a sense of freedom
• Have faith that all is and will be well
• Don’t take things too seriously
• Are open to learning and making improvements from within
• Are open to the outcome

Shift from Expectations to Intentions

Setting intentions doesn’t happen naturally. I make a conscious effort to set intentions in certain situations to keep from falling into expectations. I’m hopeful that in time and with practice, intentions will come more naturally to me.

My intention for you is that you practice shifting from expectations to intentions. I promise that when you consistently set intentions, you’ll notice a big improvement in love. What are three intentions you can set for your love life?